"Ohio Born. At age four I attempted my first art project by devouring a 10 pack of crayons thus turning my diaper into a Jackson Pollack. At age six I was introduced to the sweet nectar of school paste. At around this same time period I began producing turkey drawings by tracing my hand. At age seven I lost my thumb in an unfortunate Big Wheel accident ending my successful "Hand Turkey Period". At age ten I ate more paste, however at age eleven I switched to water based paints & modeling clay. Between age twelve to sixteen I was in a daze from the paints I had eaten which I found out to be oil based. I did not produce much art during this time which we will call the "Your Sons Not Quite Right Period". At age seventeen I had kicked my habits and refined my skills and began to earn money with art for the first time by doing fellow students art projects for lunch money. At age twenty I apparently graduated from the Art Institute of Pittsburgh and moved to Florida unbeknownst to me.
I still live in Florida where I enjoy floundering about and painting pretty pictures, and I still eat paste now and again just to remind myself of my roots and how I ended up like this. Some day I hope not to be famous".